A recent study of Women are having three times as many sex dreams as their grandmothers did 50 years ago showed that modern girls aged 16–30 years old have erotic dreams three times more often than their grandmothers half a century ago and almost as often as their peers -men. The authors explained: women have clearly said goodbye to their former inhibitions, and the topic of sex has ceased to be a taboo.
According to the same source, up to 18% of dreams for both men and women are somehow related to erotic experiences. Dreams about sex are 3-4 times more common than stories about sports or politics. But as more people experience pleasure or even orgasm in their sleep, questions ranging from “What does that mean?” to “Am I okay?”
Let’s answer the second one right away: erotic dreams are normal. Let’s look at the meaning of some popular stories in more detail.
Sex with ex-partner
You haven't seen your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend since university. And suddenly in a dream you had crazy sex. What to do? Maybe this is a sign and it’s time to write to your ex-love on social networks? Take your time!
Sex therapists assure A Sex Dream About An Ex Might Be Confusing, But Here's What It Really Means that such dreams are completely natural even for people who are happily married and raising four children. It is unlikely that the old feelings are still alive (although sometimes this is true). It's just that while we sleep, our brain is busy sorting memories and creating sometimes unexpected associations.
It is possible that some nuances of your current relationship remind you of the past. Or you caught a glimpse of a person with vaguely familiar features that evoked nostalgia. And if sex in a dream was so-so, perhaps this indicates that your priorities have changed and you have begun to think more about your own pleasure.
Tina Tessina
psychotherapist, author of the book “How to Live as a Couple and Stay Free”
Erotic dreams with exes may mean that you are trying to rethink past experiences and strive not to repeat mistakes.
How to perceive an erotic dream
Freud asserted a sexual connotation for all situations without exception. That is, anyone, even the most harmless one, should be interpreted as reflecting secret, unconscious or suppressed sexual desires.
But if you turn to common sense, then if you have an erotic dream, you can talk about anything. Sometimes this is indeed a reflection of a real-life situation, but in some cases it may hint at other problems.
Here are some well-established examples of the connection between dreams and reality:
- - the feeling of betrayal after waking up is a reason to think about your relationship with your existing partner. Perhaps this is how the feeling of guilt experienced in reality plays out;
- - a feeling of melancholy - that is, upon waking up, a person seems to be torn out of some kind of erotic idyll, and reality seems dull and joyless to him. There may be a persistent image of an idealized lover, which also causes a vague feeling of longing. Such erotic dreams reveal dissatisfaction with reality, a person’s latent desire to live a different, more interesting life, the discrepancy between a real partner and the desired ideal;
- - a dream in which the boss is the partner may reflect sexual attraction to the real boss. However, if in life the boss is an unpleasant person and does not arouse any interest, then in this way the subconscious compensates for the desire to dominate the boss that is suppressed in reality;
- - masturbate - such a dream most often means the presence of personality complexes, dissatisfaction with oneself and low self-esteem;
- — dreams in which a man sees himself as a woman and vice versa may mean that in reality the person does not accept the role that circumstances impose on him. That is, a soft person by nature, forced to act decisively and aggressively, in a dream compensates for the qualities that he would like to possess by reincarnation into a different sex;
- - visions of sexual experimentation mean a person’s thirst to change his life, to bring into it a sense of adventure and new experience, a desire to try something new;
- - to perform sexual acts in a dream in front of numerous spectators - such a dream means a lack of attention, a desire for recognition and fame, a feeling of one’s own insignificance for society, family, colleagues;
- - dreams in which one of the relatives acts as a partner signal problems in the relationship with this person, the problem of showing love. In reality, he can be a tyrant, an aggressor, or simply a very unpleasant person, so the subconscious indicates the presence of a problem through such situations.
Not enough sex
If you have an erotic dream, it will be an absolutely transparent and natural phenomenon for adolescents in puberty, for young men and girls. And also during periods of “downtime” in your sexual life, when you really may not have enough sex. Often during such periods, an erotic dream can be accompanied by an orgasm, and this is also quite natural.
A situation in which a married man may dream of another woman indicates the existing poverty of sexual life, the lack of pleasure received. In real life, there is not enough novelty and passion, so the brain “invents” sexual adventures to release the accumulated excitement.
If some kind of erotic dream is repeated regularly, then this is a clear sign of an existing problem. Here you need to pay attention to your own feelings and trust your intuition - most likely, something is going wrong in life, which is signaled by the unconscious.
Sex with a star
Intimacy with idols is a popular erotic fantasy. But what if you dreamed of sex with a star you're indifferent to? Why did this particular person penetrate your subconscious and bed (even if not in reality)?
“Celebrities in dreams often reflect a thirst for recognition of some of our merits, efforts or abilities,” says How seriously should you take your sex dreams? somnologist and author of books on the meaning of dreams, Laurie Levenberg. - Ask yourself: “What first comes to mind in connection with this star?” Song? Perhaps the answer lies in its name. Movie or TV series? It’s possible that you identify with the character or draw parallels between the plot and your life.”
Levenberg cites the example of a client of his who dreamed about sex with Lenny Kravitz, although she was never a fan of his. When the name was mentioned, the woman’s first thought was the dystopia “The Hunger Games.”
It turned out that she was desperately trying to lose weight, but no one noticed her efforts and modest success. Then the subconscious used the image that Lenny played in the film to warn: achieving the target weight can only be done at the cost of giving up food. Fortunately, the expert managed to convince his ward: health is more valuable!
What are erotic dreams
Erotic dreams happen to men and women regardless of their age, marital status or status. Some people consider them a sign of depravity and bad manners, but this is completely normal. According to family psychologist Juliet Khanova, such dreams do not indicate the presence of deviations or the need to reconsider one’s sexual orientation. They reflect the emotional experiences and needs of the person who is dreaming.
According to Harry D. Wogin, MD, erotic dreams not only excite the imagination, but also lead to orgasm. In women, this is more often observed at the age of 40–50 years. Among the stronger sex, the number of “sleepy” orgasms decreases at this age. Erotic fantasies leading to sexual outcome most often occur in men under 30 years of age.
Erotic dreams are more common in men under 30: Pexels
Why do you have erotic dreams? At its core, any dreams are a continuation of everyday life, conveyed by the brain in other images. They appear when a person is sleeping and his body is in reboot mode.
During this period, the information received during the day and current experiences are processed. The brain accumulates all repressed impressions, including sexual ones, and processes them using various images. During REM sleep, the results of this processing are embodied in dreams with vivid scenes.
According to research by the American Academy of Sleep, 8% of such dreams are erotic in nature. This is due to the fact that throughout the day a person often thinks about sex. Most of these thoughts are not tracked, but are repressed into the realm of the unconscious. During the reboot period, the brain fishes out and processes these thoughts, turning them into films for adults.
Erotic Dreams: Pexels
Some people rarely experience dreams of this nature. How to induce erotic dreams? Sleep on your stomach more often. In this position, the likelihood of having an erotic dream increases significantly. This phenomenon is due to the fact that body weight puts pressure on the genitals, promoting blood flow and arousal. Moreover, a person cannot breathe deeply in such a position. The body transmits signals to the brain about a lack of oxygen, and it interprets them as a tight hug.
The following will also help induce erotic dreams:
- Watching erotica before bed. The same effect will be caused by reading a book with a vivid description of sex scenes.
- Frequent sex in real life. According to the author of the book “The Point of Pleasure. The Path to Female Orgasm” by Lori Mintz, this increases a person’s sexual desire and contributes to the emergence of erotic dreams.
- Abstinence from sex. The less often a person experiences orgasm in real life, the greater the likelihood of having erotic dreams and reaching the peak of sexual pleasure during sleep.
Sex with your boss or colleague
If you are not in love with the hero or heroine of the office plot, then the essence of such a dream is not sexual desires, but career ambitions. Sex with management is a cry of What Do Your Sex Dreams Mean? subconscious that you feel leadership qualities in yourself and are ready to make responsible decisions.
Closeness with colleagues is more difficult to decipher. The already mentioned Laurie Levenberg advises thinking about what three words best describe the one or the one who has crept into your brain. And then figure out which of this set you would like to “appropriate.” Perhaps you secretly admire his or her determination, sense of humor, or ability to come up with ideas. Use your dream as a hint as to what qualities you would like to develop in yourself.
An intimate relationship dreamed by a man
If in a dream you were in the abyss of passion with a young lady, in reality you will be overcome by a wave of thirst for novelty. You will definitely want new impressions or love adventures. And those who seek will definitely find !
An intimate relationship with an adult woman is a harbinger of unexpected business proposals. A new place of work, organizing a business - that’s what this means. If you had fun in such a sexy dream, in reality you can agree to earn money in a new way without hesitation.
You may also dream of a rather interesting plot, where the woman from the dream cheated on her husband with you. Exercise caution if this sounds like your nightly dreams. Sloppy actions in order to make money will lead to a bad outcome .
Sex with someone who is taboo for you
There are two common interpretations of erotic dreams involving forbidden fruit, such as your best friend's wife or your sister's husband.
The first explains this phenomenon by subconscious curiosity: what did the person close to you find in your partner? The second reminds us that taboo is always attractive. According to experts at What Those Inappropriate Dreams Really Mean, sleep is a safe haven where we can forget about the limitations we impose on ourselves day after day. It is not surprising that the main “no” may be at the center of the plot.
In any case, if you suddenly find yourself in bed with the love of your best friend, you don’t have to torment yourself in the morning with the question: “Or maybe I really want this, I’m just afraid to admit it?” Don't make life difficult for yourself. The point, most likely, is in the experiences that are caused either by the “deceived friend” himself, or even by events and situations that are not related to him.
Alexis Conason
clinical psychologist
Dreaming about sex with your best friend's partner may be associated with violating your boundaries, competition, or feelings of guilt that you feel about something else.
If there was rape in the dream
In the dream, did you play the role of a spectator? You worry too much about those who are almost impossible to help.
If you were raped in a dream, it's time to take steps to combat stress. The dream confirms the complexity of your life situation and your moral exhaustion . Immediately arrange a rest or relaxation session for yourself so that nightmares no longer bother you.
People often have dreams where the rapist had a mask on his face. It should be regarded as a warning . You are a very useful person, so people will certainly want to manipulate you. Don't give in to avoid getting into trouble!
Did you play the role of a rapist in the dream? At the moment you are tormented by anger and anger. Continue to calm the raging negativity and learn to let it out safely so as not to harm yourself.
Freud's Dream Book
According to the famous psychoanalyst, seeing yourself having sex is a sign that you are dissatisfied in the real world. Dissatisfaction does not necessarily concern the personal sphere. Freud believed that a person needs to throw out negativity through intimacy. Discharge allows you to take a fresh look at the situation and find the right solution.
If you do not receive satisfaction in the real world, the subconscious mind projects intimacy into dreams. Romantic and tender contact tells a woman that she is thinking a lot about some man, but has not yet taken a step towards him. At the same time, it is worth taking the initiative so as not to succumb to vain fantasies.
Some erotic visions involve cheating, violence, or some other thing that you wouldn't allow in reality. Freud proposed to interpret each of these fantasies depending on the personality type of a particular person. Most often, what is seen indicates the presence of certain complexes or subconscious fears. You should spend more time getting rid of stress and try to let some things take their course. Look at the world differently, because you risk being forever mired in the abyss of discontent and unhappiness.
It's time to look to the future
It’s interesting to know why you dream about intimacy with your ex-spouse or boyfriend. This very common plot in night dreams means an unwillingness to let go of the past without a trace. Dreamers who have successfully developed a new relationship often continue to unconsciously compare their current partner with their former partner.
The dream book offers a similar interpretation of the dream, which means dreaming of intimacy with the deceased. What I had to see symbolizes longing for someone who has passed on to another world. Sometimes the image indicates psychological stress, malaise, or a strong desire to experience the out-of-body world.
Usually, dreams in which sex with an ex appears do not contain predictions; they just reflect the nostalgic moods of the sleepers.
Psychological trauma
Unfortunately, not all dreams of this nature are pleasant. Sometimes people see horrific scenes of violence in their own lives that are repeated every night. This is where you really need the help of a psychologist. It is possible that the reason for the appearance of such dreams comes from the past, where the victim experienced real rape. The resulting mental trauma was not processed immediately and was hidden deep in the subconscious. After many years, it manifests itself in the form of dreams of an unpleasant intimate nature, forcing one to relive past moments again.
Here psychoanalysis, methods of psychogenic correction, hypnosis, and relaxation come to the rescue.
Mind games
We are not used to discussing our sex life among colleagues, with relatives, even with friends, especially if we have nothing to brag about if we haven’t had a permanent significant other for more than a year or have problems in the intimate sphere. It’s somehow awkward to even tell a doctor about this. All that remains is to talk with your inner “I”, go through unpleasant moments in your head, fantasize about relationships, sex, love, driving the existing problem deeper and deeper into the subconscious.
The next day comes, we distract ourselves from our troubles, switch to work, friends, shopping, but the problem remains inside our head. It is only repressed into the subconscious, and then emerges in the form of various images, erotic scenes, sexual adventures. Such dreams are more common among men, but representatives of the fairer sex are not deprived of pleasant impressions. It happens that a person sees dreams of erotic content every night. Should I sound the alarm and seek help from a psychotherapist?
The answer to the question is obvious: of course not! Psychologists believe that from birth we are accustomed to obeying norms and rules and following moral principles. All this in some way restrains our desires, instincts, indecent fantasies, but in a dream the hidden comes out and allows us to do things that we would never dare in real life.
In a dream, prohibitions are lifted, shame and timidity disappear, and complete freedom of action and desires is provided.
It’s not even necessary to think about your beloved in the evening, imagine a naked employee or the heroine of a film. A dream of erotic content can occur spontaneously to both a man and a woman.
Women also have erotic dreams
